Top 10 Ways to Regulate Emotions – Part One

Emotion regulation skills allow us to effectively cope with our emotional reactions.  While we cannot always maintain control over what we feel, we have total control over how we choose to respond to those feelings.  The first step to gaining greater control over your emotions begins with learning how to recognize emotions and their effects on your life.

Without the ability to notice, identify, and make meaning of an emotional response, we are left feeling without a sense of agency – at the whim of our surroundings.  This can lead to a belief that others can “make” you feel certain ways, seemingly without your consent.  This feeling is much like being cast about in a violent ocean with little more than a single oar.  Powerless.

Effective Emotion Regulation Strategies

How do we overcome the irrational belief that others have the power to “make” us emotionally react?  It starts with learning the best ways to regulate emotions.  Below are some excellent strategies for regulating emotion.  The following strategies are specifically endorsed by Dr. Marsha Linehan, director of the Behavioral Research and Therapy Clinics (BRTC) and creator of DBT.  In addition, strategies will included from The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook (McKay, Wood, & Brantley, 2007) in tomorrow’ post, Top 10 Ways to Regulate Emotions – Part Two.

(1) Identifying and Labeling Affect

The first step to emotion regulation involves learning how to recognize and label current emotions.  The inherent complexity to emotional processes makes this deceptively difficult.  The process of identifying emotions requires the ability to both observe/notice one’s own responses as well as to accurately describe the context of the emotional occurrence.

Try focusing on observing and describing: (1) the event triggering the emotion; (2) the meaning attributed to the event that triggered the emotion; (3) the sensory experience of the emotion – bodily sensations, etc.; (4) expressive behaviors linked to the emotion; and (5) consequences of the emotion on personal overall functioning.

(2) Identifying Obstacles to Changing Emotions

Changing our deeply ingrained emotional reactions can be very difficult since we become accustomed to responding to certain events in relatively predictable ways over time.  It is sometimes especially difficult to change the emotional responses that we know are not good for us when they are followed by reinforcing consequences (e.g., “I know I should not use this recreational drug, but I feel better when I do.”)

Emotions generally serve two functions: to communicate to others and to motivate personal behavior.  We often choose emotional responses in attempts to influence or control other people’s behaviors (even subconsciously) or to validate our own perceptions/interpretations of events.  A crucial aspect of emotion regulation involves recognizing the function of your emotional responses and what benefits you are getting from responding in particular ways.

(3) Reducing Vulnerability to “Emotion Mind

When we are under physical or environmental stress, it follows that we are far more vulnerable to emotional reactivity.  A key component to regulating emotions involves maintaining a healthy balance in different areas of day-to-day functioning that prevent us from getting overtaxed physically, mentally, or emotionally.

Reducing emotional vulnerability involves balanced nutrition/healthy eating habits, sufficient amounts of sleep, adequate exercise, treating any existing physical ailments, abstaining from non-prescribed mood-altering drugs, and increasing your sense of mastery by immersing yourself in activities that function to build a sense of self-efficacy and competence.

(4) Increasing Positive Emotional Events

Dialectical behavior therapy operates from the assumption that people “feel bad for good reasons.”  While the perceptions that you have about emotionally provocative events may be distorted, the emotions themselves are valid.  An important way to regulate emotions is to exercise control over the events that trigger intense emotions.

From a short-term perspective, this involves increasing the number of daily positive events in one’s life.  From a long-term perspective, this involves making fundamental life changes that result in increasing the likelihood that positive events will occur more frequently.  A big piece of this centers around being mindful of positive events when they do occur.

(5) Increasing Mindfulness of Current Emotion

Dr. Linehan (1993) explains that “exposure to painful or distressing emotions, without association to negative consequences, will extinguish their ability to stimulate secondary negative emotions.”  When we actively judge emotions as being somehow “bad” the consequences is a subjective emotional state of feeling guilt, anxiety, sadness, or anger.  Adding these distressing feelings to an already negative situation only serves to intensify levels of distress and make tolerance of the negative event more difficult.

Learning how to judge affective states in a mindful manner (i.e., without judgment or attempts to modify or inhibit the emotion) allows you to tolerate stressful situations without adding fuel (i.e., intense negative emotions) to the fire.  This does not mean that you should not recognize that an event is distressing and respond to it accordingly, it simply means that you should be cognizant of not allowing intense emotional expression to interfere with your ability to respond.

Consider how you can integrate these emotion regulation strategies into your daily life.  The process of learning how to regulate emotion takes practice.  It is a new skill that must be understood, cultivated, and practiced.  Each time you encounter a situation that you know triggers intense emotions for you, try to think of it as an opportunity for you to practice these emotion regulation strategies.  Do you notice that your experience changes when you are more mindful and aware of your emotions?

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Linehan, M.M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. New York, NY: The Guilford Press.

McKay, M., Wood, J.C., & Brantley, J. (2007). The dialectical behavior therapy skills workbook. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Featured image: Nirvana by ePi.Longo / CC BY 2.0

About Laura K. Schenck, Ph.D., LPC

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from the University of Northern Colorado. Some of my academic interests include: Dialectical Behavior Therapy, mindfulness, stress reduction, work/life balance, mood disorders, identity development, supervision & training, and self-care.


  1. Hossein on April 9, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Thank you so much, it was really motivating material for me to do something for myself. Unfortunately, for several years I didn’t know that what is going on in my life, I was just feeling the pains. Sometimes, I really discover myself in a bad situation because of my own behaviors thereby I understand that there is no control over what’s happening on me which I could do. But, instead of doing such usual reactions that I use to do them again and again! and actually I’m bored of them, I need to do something different. Right before this moment that I just finished reading this post, I had an impulsive annoying behavior which was due to a bunch of sequential happenings from the morning till now, but now I feel better because I thought about the real situation. Particularly, I like that part which discussing about to don’t judge about the behaviors or to don’t mark them out. I really need to do some practical exercises to increase, as you say, my mindfulness about my emotions. So thanks again, I appreciate this and I wait to read more such helpful things from you.

    I wish you success

    • Laura on April 15, 2012 at 9:35 pm

      Hossein – You are most welcome. I’m glad to hear that some of these emotion regulation strategies served as motivating material for you to do something positive for yourself. It can be so confusing to experience emotional pain (particularly for years!) without understanding “what is going on” in your life. It sounds like you have increased awareness of some of the ways in which your own behaviors may have led you into bad situations, which may have resulted in a sense of helplessness/lack of control over what to do next. Fortunately, we always have the choice of how to respond in situations (even those that are emotionally charged), but this takes awareness and practice. At the end of the day, the only person’s behavior that you have true control over is your own… this involves incredible freedom and responsibility.

      It sounds like a very meaningful experience for you to recognize that you find yourself to actually be “bored” with those old behaviors. This is such a hopeful sign that positive change is on the horizon. It is easy to find ourselves about to engage in an “impulsive annoying behavior” (which sounds like reacting) due to a long chain of events. I’m glad to hear that you have found it helpful to reflect back on what the “real situation” may be that has led you to the present moment (wherein you feel the familiar urge to act impulsively). I wish you much success with continuing your practice of becoming mindful of and effectively regulating your emotions. Thank you for your comment!

  2. Vera Blacha on October 26, 2017 at 1:09 pm

    This is very helpful, but I don’t see Part Two. Where can I access it?

    • Laura on November 12, 2017 at 12:51 am

      Hi Vera, thank you for visiting, and for your interest in accessing part two of my article on ways to regulate emotions. In response to your question, you can access part two here: “Top 10 Ways to Regulate Emotions – Part Two
      – Laura

  3. Babu John on April 19, 2022 at 2:47 pm

    HI Laura,
    It is an interesting and very useful tips for controlling and balancing our emotions to great extent. I would like to know the ways and methods to overcome the emotions of avoidance and neglect from our near and dear ones?

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